My Broken Mommy Heart

My son is a beautiful beautiful boy, his eyes are so deep and thoughtful. Every morning and every night I get hugs from him. He is always telling me how much he loves me, if he sees me sad he tries to cheer me up. He'll rub my back when I'm sore, he'll tell me I'm pretty when he thinks I'm down.

How can anyone not like this handsome boy? How could anyone treat him poorly? My heart just shatters when he's mistreated, there is not a mean bone in my son's body, he wouldn't harm a fly. He loves puppy's and Legos. He loves laughing with friends and making people proud.

My sweet boy however can be challenging sometimes, I know this, I of all people know this. He struggles with attention issues. Sitting still is an impossible task for him. He often dances in his seat, gets distracted very easily. Small tasks such as brushing his teeth can become a major delima.

I of all people understand his situation, those long mornings where I have to shadow every little thing he does so we don't have those mornings where the 30 minutes he spent in the bathroom "brushing his teeth" was not actually spent brushing his teeth.. but instead was spent with him making silly faces in the mirror because the light hit the mirror and it made him look up, he saw himself and made a silly face, but then looked down and saw the faucet and decided to play in the water for a minute... this going on and on and all the while he has forgotten why he even went into the bathroom in the first place.

Same thing with his shoes, his socks, his bookbag.... breakfast.

No one sees how every night he struggles to get to sleep because the meds he is on keeps him awake... the sleeping pills he was taking made it too hard for him to get up the morning. Sometimes his lack of sleep really plays a factor in his attention problems and makes for a rough day.

No one else sees that he WANTS to do better, he tries, I know he does... he doesn't like being told a million times, he doesn't like being followed around the the house while he's trying to get ready, he doesn't like being embarrassed in class being told to do something for the 15th time. He didnt mean to take that child's pencil our of thier hand, it was shiney and he didn't think through his actions because he's impulsive.

No one else sits with him for 2 hours trying to work on homework.. when it should take 5 minutes but just getting him to focus long enough to complete one problem is an hour long process, explaining the problem to him 10 times because the first 9 times he was distracted by your shiney necklace.

I love him, I love him sooo much! I love him even though he's extremely messy and sometimes has to be reminded to do simple things that everyone else knows to do with out even thinking about it. I love him even though he forgets to turn his lights out every single day, even though he is reminded every single day (multiple times a day)

I get frustrated with him I do, I can't even name how many times I wished he could just fit right in, that he didnt' struggle with ADHD. I wish it was just a parenting issue and I could change what I did and it would get better. I wish the pill made it all go away! I wish I didn't read journal entries from him talking about how he wishes teachers were nicer to him and didn't embarrass him asking him "did you have your pill today?" in front of the whole class. I wish coaches were nicer to him and just tried a little harder, my son doesn't fit a cookie cutter mold, but he's smart (very smart) and I have IQ Tests to prove it. He loves to play sports, but unfortunatly some coaches were just not meant to coach, and they don't have what it takes to work with some one like Micah... and my son feels rejected, NOT okay for my son to feel that way... and my mommy heart breaks :(

Part of me wants to put him in a safe place, keep him there and love him with all I can love him, away from mean coaches, hateful teachers, hateful strangers... I want to protect him from other children that struggle to understand why he just "won't sit still" and then make fun of him, or tell him they are going to shoot him. I know he's intense and there are times he can talk a million miles a minute.... but my gosh he CAN'T help it! :( He has no ill intentions, he is such a nice kid and would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.

I am afraid the world and the people in it are going to break him of being that sweet boy, that loving child who is so caring. :(

Sleep?! I'm sorry is there such a thing?

My overly emotional self today, I believe is created by the last oh... 7 months of little sleep. Logan still gets up 2 to 3 times in the night, he's not really one to nap either, not like a 2 hour nap is really going to put a dent in my exaustion.

On another note, I woke up this morning to an email and I started crying, silly yes, the email was nothing pointed at me, hence the tears. I do believe that my lack of sleep is adding to my emotional overload.  I am looking forward to two weeks from now when cheer and football are over and maybe I can have my evenings back, just for a little while. This Saturday and next Saturday are so jam packed I'm not sure how we are going to pull it off, but we will, we always do.  It's really just another day in our busy lives.

I am also trying to get past this pink eye business I've got going on. I hate wearing glasses, it's no fun. I miss my contacts so badly, I already feel like a slob, I'm too tired to do my hair much these days. Add in the ugly glasses and I really start to feel pretty *slight hint of sarcasm thrown in here*.

Oh well, kids are off to school I must get busy with my many projects today...

Sands of time

So around our house things have been slightly crazy, what's new right? Micah and Hope are getting ready to wrap up their football/cheer in the next couple weeks. I've been assistant coach for the competition squad with Hope and they have their very first cheer competition this weekend! I am so excited to see what the girls can do!

Brad is still with out his job right now, however we are hoping something comes up soon... I am trusting that something will. I've got lots of cake orders coming up the next couple months and I'm so excited about that... apart from cakes I've been letting my creativity roll lately. I love having the chance to be creative and trying new things.

I took the kids to the park last week and got a few pictures, I'm still learning when it comes to photography but bare with me please :)


I also made a new hat (with some help from my sweet grandmother) for Logan, I was so excited to have it completed!!


Then I am currently working on more invites to the kids halloween party we are hosting..


So sometime between the cheer competition the cheer competition this weekend, Micah's last football game before playoffs, my neice's husband's birthday party, then playoffs next week, along with halloween parties, I am finding myself very thankful to be able to get to all this stuff with out losing my mind! :)

I really would love to update more and I'm hoping I'm able to, gotta keep track of the craziness that we are! :)