This up all night thing is not working really...

Last night I was up at 2am and had the hardest time going back to sleep. I think around 5am I feel asleep only to wake up at 7am.. I finally gave up on sleeping at that point and headed into the rec room to play on the internet, but I'm already bored. Micah and Hope are still sleeping and Brad just left for work, he has to work at the office today :( The kids are headed to Mimi's later today to go do some christmas shopping with her. I am going to run up to my sister in laws house and get Hope's present from her that I had her get (a Barbie Dream Townhouse). I called 20 stores and finally found one close to the inlaws house that had 3 left... needless to say Kerrie (my sister in law) was happy to go get it for me since its an hour away from here.

I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner, this is the last Christmas with just the 4 of us. Next year we will have a beautiful baby to share it with. In order to get fully into the spirit I plan on doing some baking tomorrow afternoon, Christmas is a little tighter this year than last due to the pregnancy and the MANY co-pays for my high risk doctor I am paying.. plus all my diabeties supplies. So many people will be getting cookies and a crafty ornament from me. Now if I could just borrow some energy some where to complete all my "tasks" for the weekend that would be great!

Baby Baby!

Baby is measuring a little big, but thats not a problem! Heart rate has continued to be in the 160's! Baby is definatly an active one. I am starting to feel flutter movements and during the last two ultrasounds both techs voiced how active baby was. I was able to witness this as my "little nudger" was going to town kicking up a storm and playing peek-a-boo with the tech. I can't wait for Brad to start feeling baby move, not much longer! My next ultrasound is scheduled for January 15th and I am hoping we will get to see what baby is (girl or boy!) I am so curious and excited to find out, I would be perfectly happy with a girl or boy, but I want to know so I can start buying baby items since I am starting COMPLETELY over... hard to believe it's been almost 8 years since I was pregnant the last time... Brad and I have NO baby stuff and this entire house is going to need to be "baby proofed!"

!2 week Belly SHot

Technically I was 11 weeks 4 days, but close enough right? Tomorrow I have an appointment with my high risk OB!
I also have an ultrasound tomorrow so I am thrilled at getting to see baby again! I can't wait to see how much has changed! I am slowly starting to look pregnant.. today a friend at work said "Yeah, you look pregnant today!"

Tomorrow we leave for the Smokey Mountains for a long weekend with the Crabtree family, I am excited to share the new ultrasound picture with everyone :)

11 weeks.

Today marks the 11th week of my pregnancy. I am finding baby's heart beat faster and easier now than before. Last night I could hear baby kicking towards the doppler while listening to his/her heart.

I have an appointment on the 10th with my High Risk OB where I will get to see baby on the ultrasound again. I have to admit that aniexity is fairly high for me over this. I will be 11 weeks 5 days... at 11 weeks 2 days in October of last year I had to face the ultrasound tech who was telling me my baby's heart had stopped. I fear a repeat, I can't lie.

I know this baby definatly has a better chance as we know all the medical issues we are facing currently. I wish I could enjoy this pregnancy more and not worry so much, I just want this baby to arrive safe and sound.

Take 20!

Micah and Hope are two of the cutest, sweetest kids I know and they are going to make GREAT siblings for our new addition. However I think I learned a lesson, in that taking a picture of two kids and a dog for Christmas is not really my "thing". Out of about 40 shots.. I got maybe 2 I could use. Add a new baby in the mix and yeah... I'm calling the professionals next year!

Our House decorated for Christmas! It's a lot and we have stuff in the backyard too.. Brad wants to win the neighborhood competition, I think he'll be diappointed if we don't.

Thanksgiving... let the festivities begin

I have felt nothing short of crappy the last couple days, what little energy I can find doesn't seem to be enough to even make it into the bathroom to take a much needed shower. I'm thankful to have symptoms but I can't say they are "wonderful".

On a different note, I did invest in renting a heart beat doppler last week. I can't tell you how amazing it is to hear my sweet babies heart beat thumping away on that monitor. Definatly worth the 26 dollars a month. Sometimes it's hard to find the heart beat but I've been lucky enough to have found it every day for the last couple days :) Eases my mind a lot.

Brad has been working feverishly on the Christmas lights outside, hopefully I will have a good picture for you later tonight. He's slightly obsessed I would say. It does look beautiful though :)

Morning SIckness

I used to laugh at the idea of morning sickness, "you mean ALL day sickness right? " but lately, morning sickness seems to fit the bill quite perfectly. I struggle to get to the kitchen quickly enough to give myself a shot and get some toast in my tummy to settle it down. The whole time I preparing my food and getting my meds I keep thinking I'm going to hurl! Lately the nausea has been more and more frequent.

On a better note, this week is Thanksgiving, I can't believe it! Time just flies latley it seems. Right now I am making a turkey for my daughter's 1st grade class. I have to drop it off for them for lunch today :)

This holiday season is goinng to prove interesting I am sure as we are hosting Thanksgiving at our house! 20+ people in my house for a big meal is definatly overwhelming. Dh and I have been attempting to get the house in good order for such a task, but it's proving to be very overwhelming! I will be focusing more on it today, tomorrow, and Wednesday, however the pregnancy symptom of being tired is an understatement as to how I feel currently.

High Risk OB

Baby bean, so this is the picture from my high risk OB's office.. much clearer. I've marked where you can see baby's head and bottom. The dark spot in the head is the developing brain as the U/S tech pointed out.

I've been feeling a little ill lately, I thought for sure I was going to toss my cookies last night, but I never did.

I have this sneaking suspicion that this baby is girl, I just can't seem to get past that. Time will tell. I go in for another ultrasound on Decemeber 10th and then I have another one for the NT testing on December 15th. Can't wait to see our next ultrasound picture, I know baby is going to look so much more developed! I am so in love with this sweet baby!!!!

Appointment Update

Baby bean is healthy and growing!! This picture isn't the clearest, but I should get more when I go to my high risk OB on Thursday. Baby's heart rate was in the 160's so nice and healthy!!!

I feel so relieved, my doctor is just amazing, I'm so thankful for her.

She also brought up that I might be able to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After a Csection) Which would be amazing. She said that if there are any complications that they will do an emergency c-sect but as long as baby's heart rate is fine and no signs of distress that I shouldn't have a problem and also we don't want the baby to get to big, and with my diabeties they have to watch me for that.

I feel so great, I love this baby so much and I can't wait to meet him or her face to face in June!

I'm a wreck

My appointment is in 55 minutes and I'm a wreck, I'm so scared. I really hope she does an ultrasound to ease my mind some. I thought I wouldn't be such a mess, but I am. I can't really focus on anything else right now.

I will update asap I promise. I don't "think" anything is wrong, I have no reason to beleive there is.. I'm not spotting, I'm not cramping... but I'm scared and worried which I don't need to be.

Week 8

It's amazing how one minute I can be as calm as can be and the next worried like no tomorrow. The further along I get in this pregnancy the more at ease I feel, however I still wonder and worry about the what if's, I all to well know the statistics, but I also know that this pregnancy is nothing like my last pregnancy. I have so much faith for this sweet bean.

Tomorrow late morning I have a doctors appointment and a possible ultrasound. While I am nervous, I am very excited as well. I am looking forward to talking with my doctor, they've already done my labs and everything came back okay (labs as in checking for HIV and Hep A & B). I really enjoy my OBGYN, I've always known male OBGYN's but this is a female, she is so upbeat, gentle and just amazing. Her nurse is also so sweet and caring, luckily my mom has worked with her before and had such rave reviews for her, I trust my mother.

I of course will update as soon as I can tomorrow about my appointment. I need to think of any questions I may have for Dr. Bell, make a list and be sure to bring them with me tomorrow.

Met High Risk Ob

So I got to meet my high risk OB, she is absolutely amazing. I am so excited to have her working with me during my pregnancy. She went over my blood sugars with me and asked a lot of history questions. We also discussed maybe the possibility of me getting an insulin pump which I really think would make my life SO much easier. So we will see what comes of that, there is a lot of paper work to get through and insurance issues to face.

I go back to her in just a week and half and she will do an ultrasound then, I'm excited as I will almost be 9 weeks so I will get to see more little baby! My regular OB might do another U/S as well that week so I might get to see bean twice!

I feel okay, today was rough though, I really felt that if I threw up I'd feel better, but I never threw up.

As much as I am enjoying this pregnancy and feel so very blessed, I kind of wish we would rush through the first trimester, my aniexity level is through the roof, I just want to make sure baby is okay.

Rounding week 7

As we round up to week seven I am feeling more and more hopeful. Yesterday at work however I had a very sharp pain in my right side. I called my OB's office, Dr. Bell, and explained. I was asked to come in immediatly for an ultrasound to make sure I did not have a tubal pregnancy. At that ultrasound we saw baby bean... a beautiful heart rate of 128bpm measuring right where he/she should be. I was so relieved, my baby bean is doing so well.

Micah and Hope have been praying for baby bean every day, the ask God to protect baby and help him or her to grow strong. Hope told my mom the other day that she didn't care if baby was a boy or a girl as long as baby was "healfy". I love those little rascals.. they are so wonderful.

My OB went ahead and did the routine blood panel since I was already at her office. She also gave me a goodie bag full of samples and what not. I really enjoy Dr. Bell she is so excited and just an amazing person.

I meet tomorrow with my high risk OB. I'm very nervous, I couldn't find any reviews of her practice but she specializes in High Risk Pregnancy so I'm sure she is good, but I wonder about her bed side manner, I don't do well with rude Dr's but I do have a few options so we will see if I don't like her I will switch, easy enough right?

Oh Brad and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary in Vegas this weekend, we had a good time. I'm thankful to be home though! :)

Vegas Baby

I am starting to feel more and more pregnant as time goes on! I started getting a little ill today, my brain seems to be working a little less than 100% as I have been doing some silly things lately... I'll blame "Pregnancy Brain" for those things.

I found out that I will get to have an ultrasound November 17th at my 1st prenatal appointment with my regular OB. I meet my high risk Ob next Tuesday, I doubt I'll get an u/s then, but who knows. I have a feeling she is just going to watch my sugars for me and then later in the pregnancy monitor the baby.

I had a couple moments of weeping today thinking about this time last year. This time last year I found out that our Baby Ashton became an Angel. I am praying history does not repeat itself, I am hoping that this baby will be born healthy in just a short 32 or so weeks from now.

Brad and I are leaving for Vegas Friday night, we will be staying at the Bellagio and going to see a Circ show and the Blue Man Group :) I am looking forward to a weekend away with Brad, we need it.

I am determined to buy baby something while we are there... I think I will feel alot better if we do that :)

Blessed again with yet another day

I am so thankful as we continue on through the pregnancy. I am feeling pretty good right now, part of me wishes I felt icky and horrible.. but the other part of me is thankful that things have been good so far. I will be meeting my new High risk OB in just a little over a week from now. I am curious as to what she will have to say about my diabeties and sugar control. I also am curious if they will do any blood work or any ultrasounds.

On a different note, Brad and I leave Friday for Vegas. I am excited about going out there but scared at the same time. That same time last year our trip to Vegas turned into a very sad trip as I said good bye to my sweet angel baby.

I pray this trip turns over a new leaf.

Blessed with Another Day

I am so thankful for each day I get with the baby, so very thankful. I just pray I get many many more.

The kids are both very excited, we told them about the baby in my tummy. Micah's first words were "I hope this baby doesn't die". The children are so excited about having a little brother or sister, Hope proclaimed that she would help with everything, well except changing diapers because thats just gross! I love my little people, they are pretty awesome :)

Today I am feeling pretty good. I have been doing wonderful with my "only water" routine lately. Since getting my BFP I have had nothing to drink but water and I have been staying away from fried foods and eating only whole wheat and whole grain products, as much as possible anyways :)

I got my A1c level back today... my level was 6.8.. down from a 11.4 (in non-diabetic terms) thats pretty awesome that I got my levels down so quickly, I still need them down just a little bit more. Ideally I would like them to be below a 6, so I'm working on that!

Brad and I leave in 1 week and 2 days for Las Vegas! We are going to see the Blue Man Group and then the O circ show! I am so very excited! I can't believe Brad and I have been married for a whole year! Where did time go?

Also My little Micah man got all A's with the exception of a high B on his report card!! Such a smart guy, Hope doesn't get letter grades but she got alot of great scores! She has mastered most of her grade level ciriculum! This baby has a very smart brother and sister to help them through life! :)

Pickle Jar.

Hand Over the Pickle Jar and NO ONE GETS HURT! I have gone through 2 jars of dill pickles (juice and all) in the last 3 days. When I was a little girl I used to LOVE pickles straight of the jar, but thats been years and years ago. I can't tell you the last time I really cared for a pickle.

On another note, I met with my endocronologist today. She ran an a1c and blood work to check my thyroid. She also referred and scheduled me for an appointment with a high risk OB. She is handing the reigns over to the high risk doctor until after my pregnancy. I am curious to meet the new Dr. and I hope that she is nice. I do so much better when I have a positive upbeat Dr.

My first appointment with the high risk OB is November 5th. My first appointment with my OB is November 17th. I am excited and the wait is hard, I want to know that everything okay and meeting with my doctors will ease my mind.

I am so excited for this baby! This baby is so wanted, so loved already!

I am waiting on a couple to come by the house to look at my road bike, I will miss it, but it needs to go as I will not be able to ride it and I can't have that much money just hanging out in the garage not being used.

We are leaving for Vegas in just 2 weeks! :)

Another Blessed Day

I am just so thankful for each day I have... I hope to remain this way for the next 9 months. This morning I shamelessly admit to taking another pregnancy test, just to be sure you know, and I'm proud ot proclaim I am indeed pregnant!

I have been so nervous about my sugars a lot lately, I am doing everything I can to keep them in the best range possible. I want this pregnancy and baby to have the best chance possible.

My first appointment is at 8 weeks, November 17th. I also meet with my Endo tomorrow, I am sure she will adjust whatever I need to be adjusted.

Keeping the pregnancy a secret from some of my family has been difficult, but I want to keep it that way until we are out of the danger zone a little. I am hoping that by thanksgiving we can give the family some wonderful news :)

Today

I am offically 4 weeks pregnant today! I am so excited for baby, and I'm doing all I can to not worry.

My boobs are still really sore, and I'm very tired, I'm actually thinking about taking a nap in a few minutes. I went to help out a friend of mine this morning that owns a day care center and she needed some one there... so I went.

Today for lunch I just had to have some pickles, I actually drank from the pickle jar! It was so yummy, I actually want some more now! I need a nap before I eat more. I've been drinking NOTHING except water for the last 3 days. I also am avioding all white flour products and no sugary items.

As for my blood sugars, they've been really good lately! :) Every day I am getting even more excited and less nervous.

Letter to Baby Before He/She was concieved

Letter I had written Baby a while back:


"Dearest Love,

It’s amazing how much I dream of you. The color of your eyes, the touch of your skin, and the texture of your hair are all amazing wonders I have yet to discover. Mommy and Daddy just can’t wait to meet you for the first time. Although your life has yet to begin, we are praying for you. Our love for you is here, yours for the taking. I have been preparing for you, ready to carry you into this world. Every day I take a special vitamin that will help you to grow into a healthy baby. I also take a special medicine to help my body make you a safe and nutrient rich place to stay until you grow big enough to be on your own. Every day I drink lots of water so that my body is free from anything that might make you sick. Mommy even gave up her most favorite drink for you! Everything is ready for you we are just waiting for you to fall from heaven and into my womb where you can begin to grow into our arms. To you I promise to do my very best as your mother. My arms will always be open for you, my ears are here to listen, and my knowledge I will always share. Daddy is such an amazing man; I can almost promise that at first sight his eyes will well up with tears of joy for you. Daddy talks about how you might be and that makes me smile. He is so excited to have you with us one day.Together we often think of names for you. If you were to be a boy we both like the name Abel, but who knows one day we may change our minds. If you were a girl mommy really likes the name Isabella Faith. I love the name Faith for you since that’s what it’s taken for mommy and daddy to get through our time waiting for you. Right now my womb is still empty but my heart is already filling with my love for you. I often day dream of the bond we will share. Your brother Micah and sister Hope are very excited for you to be apart of our lives. Your sister asked Santa to bring you to us. I don’t know about Santa but I sure hope that God sends you our way. We all already love you so much, we are just waiting on you to join us.

Forever Love,Mommy"

For the last 11 months I have cried, I have prayed, I have gotten up at 5am every morning and religiously reached for the thermometer on my night stand and using my phone to see, looked at the temperature and using online charts and graphs I analyzed everything. I’ve taken pills that make me feel horrible, I’ve taken pills that make me gain weight, I’ve had more blood drawn than should be legally possible, I’ve been diagnosed with diabetes, I’ve been diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I’ve missed my sweet angel baby every day, but most of all I’ve learned a lot in this process. And here am I, finally carrying a sweet baby in my womb. My excitement however is over shadowed with fear. I know all to well the possibilities, the statistics. I try to relax and just pray that everything will be okay, that my sweet baby will be alive and well in my arms just 34 some weeks from now. Pregnancy is no longer fun for me, it’s not enjoyable, but I’m trying. I wish I could fast forward to June when I have my baby safely in my arms. Today I am tired, I am still very early in the pregnancy and I am praying for more signs, I want to be sick; I want to feel very pregnant. I think my mind will be a little more at ease if I experience those things. Currently my only symptoms are fatigue (I just want to sleep all day), and sore nipples (it seems as if my boobs are bigger as well), I am bloated some as the waist on my jeans has gotten slightly tighter. This evening I am meeting my sister and my nephew for dinner, my sister is 10 weeks pregnant. I’m happy for her, I am hoping that both of our pregnancies will continue and we will have some children close in age to play with each other. My Sister in law is currently trying to get pregnant, I also hope she succeeds and progresses to have a healthy pregnancy in the very near future. I am going to try to stop worrying and do all I can to enjoy the moments I do get. This quote seems so perfect for what I need to remember.

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”-Leo F. Buscaglia quotes

The Begining

Even though this entry is titled "The Begining", the begining was really over a year ago when I met my wonderful husband, Brad. My life changed the day I met him, for the better.

1 year ago, about 2 months before our wedding, DH and I found out we were expecting (BIG SURPRISE) We were both so excited! We were due in May and had just put an offer on our 1st house just weeks before. Things were going so amazingly well for us... until our wedding day however, I spent our wedding night saying goodbye to our little Angel. That was a dark time for us.

We decided we immediatly wanted to start trying again for a baby. So began our journey...

My OBGYN began checking my progestrone levels, which ended up being to low so I was placed on Progestrone Therapy via a medicine called Prometrium. I continued this for a few months until I was placed on Clomid... but after two failed months and driving back and forth to Nashville several times a month for Blood work. I made a choice, one that made all the difference. I called an OBGYN closer to home and explained my situation. She immediatly scheduled me to come in and have a complete blood panel done.

With in one week I had answers. I was diagnoised with PCOS and Diabeties. What a smack in the face, but I started getting to work, I immediatly scheduled with an endocronologist and say my primary care physician and got started on medication and insulin immediatly. After 3 months of learning to control my sugars I got the green light from my doctors to go back to fertility meds.

For the last 11 months I have been charting (waking up at 5am and taking my Basal Body temp), taking prenatal vitamins, and using Ovulation Predictor Kits. This cycle was the first cycle I feel like I had a REAL chance.

I am what some refer to as a POAS (Peeing on a Stick Addict) and this cycle goes to prove that. In the last 3 days I have powered through 2 EPT's and 4 FRER.

At 9 DPO (days past Ovulation), they were wasted tests... no line.

At 10 DPO, I thought "Is there something there? Oh wait, there kind of is"

And then we arrive to 11 DPO...

I had stopped by the store last night and purchased some more tests to feed my frenzy of POAS. So this morning when I found myself wide awake at 2am and having to pee like no tomorrow I decided I would take one of those lovely tests and try it out. After doing my business, I starred at the test and begin to shake as I slowly watched a faint line appear indicating it was Positive. I almost wanted to cry. I walked over to the light of the vanity to get a clearer image, there it was... I started shaking. I placed the test on the counter and tried to lay back down, but after tossing and turning for a few minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and came into the rec room where I am currently sitting. I have taken about 30 pictures of this test trying to get the best image, but the one seen above is the best I could get. That test is now sitting at my right side. I've picked it up to check it multiple times now, just checking... ya know? I've been praying on and off constantly for a sticky bean. I am so scared, but so excited all at the same time!

As of right now I am due the 26th day of June. Pretty cool because Dh's birthday is June 10th. Our 1 year anniversary is in a couple weeks... what an awesome early present for DH!!! :)

I have not told my husband yet, he's going to be so excited, yet so scared at the same time! He had asked me just 2 days ago as he rubbed my tummy and said "Do you have a little baby in there for me?" I remember smiling and laughing saying "I hope so".

As for telling him. I'm going to make it special, so I say a quick trip to the store is in order sometime on my break today at work.

I feel like I'm about to explode with excitement, but seeing thats it 4:30 in the morning and I've been up for 2 1/2 hours, I need to keep calm. Everyone is sleeping, and I have to leave for work in an hour and half. I could go take a nice shower I guess... try to relax a little.

More to come soon....