For the last 11 months I have cried, I have prayed, I have gotten up at 5am every morning and religiously reached for the thermometer on my night stand and using my phone to see, looked at the temperature and using online charts and graphs I analyzed everything. I’ve taken pills that make me feel horrible, I’ve taken pills that make me gain weight, I’ve had more blood drawn than should be legally possible, I’ve been diagnosed with diabetes, I’ve been diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I’ve missed my sweet angel baby every day, but most of all I’ve learned a lot in this process. And here am I, finally carrying a sweet baby in my womb. My excitement however is over shadowed with fear. I know all to well the possibilities, the statistics. I try to relax and just pray that everything will be okay, that my sweet baby will be alive and well in my arms just 34 some weeks from now. Pregnancy is no longer fun for me, it’s not enjoyable, but I’m trying. I wish I could fast forward to June when I have my baby safely in my arms. Today I am tired, I am still very early in the pregnancy and I am praying for more signs, I want to be sick; I want to feel very pregnant. I think my mind will be a little more at ease if I experience those things. Currently my only symptoms are fatigue (I just want to sleep all day), and sore nipples (it seems as if my boobs are bigger as well), I am bloated some as the waist on my jeans has gotten slightly tighter. This evening I am meeting my sister and my nephew for dinner, my sister is 10 weeks pregnant. I’m happy for her, I am hoping that both of our pregnancies will continue and we will have some children close in age to play with each other. My Sister in law is currently trying to get pregnant, I also hope she succeeds and progresses to have a healthy pregnancy in the very near future. I am going to try to stop worrying and do all I can to enjoy the moments I do get. This quote seems so perfect for what I need to remember.
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”-Leo F. Buscaglia quotes
No comments:
Post a Comment